CHEATING SPOUSE SEARCHING FOR TELL-TALE SIGNS

When the gnawing feeling that your loved one is cheating won’t go away, it’s time to begin a serious search. By familiarizing yourself with common signs of a cheater’s demeanor and lifestyle, you will be better equipped to discover whether your lover in fact is involved in an extracurricular relationship. The characteristics of a cheating lover apply equally to males and female. A cheating boyfriend, cheating girlfriend, or cheating spouse will exhibit the same behavioral signs and patterns. There are many clues that indicate your twosome has become a threesome. No one sign, or any one area with several signs, indicates there’s an affair behind your back. But a combination of signs needs to be taken seriously when looking for evidence that will lead to catching someone who indeed is unfaithful.
PERSONAL INDICATORS
Energy People who are cheating often exhibit a sudden, unexplainable surge of energy. Actually, it only seems unexplainable. The source of all that newly found vim and vigor is partially endorphin related. Clandestine affairs can be thrilling and exciting, especially to the serial cheater. The mystery, the intrigue, and the risk are intoxicating. Especially in the beginning, it can make someone feel ”alive again,” renewed and refreshed. Or, the cheater simply needs to muster more energy to constantly keep covering their trail. Lying and cheating on a daily basis are hard work. Exercise and weight-loss Suddenly your partner begins to ”get in shape.” Maybe they join a gym or health club and never invite you. Either there’s an affair already established, or your partner is trolling the treadmills looking for someone. Health-clubs are prime pick-up locations. Or, perhaps your partner has started buying what seems like every piece of exercise equipment, gadget or diet pill sold on late-night TV. People having affairs often start working out at home, or outside the home, and improving their physical appearance and enhancing their attractive factor. New awake or goodnight times usually accompany cheating. Whether it’s to accommodate more time away from home, or provide more time alone on the computer, the cheating spouse or lover’s sleep schedule changes. Anxiety over an affair also can disturb sleep patterns. Diet People having affairs frequently acquire new tastes in food, often influenced by a new lover. Suddenly, a person begins eating differently. Buffalo wings get replaced by escargots. Not only does the usual can of beer become a glass of wine, or vice versa, you might notice a difference in alcohol consumption. Either there’s a need to keep pace with a new person, or someone might be using progressively more alcohol to help them deny they’re living a lie. Hair/Grooming A change in hairstyle and personal grooming often occurs in a person who is cheating on a relationship. Suddenly one’s gray hairs begin to matter when there’s a new lover. It’s not unusual for the person to change their hair color completely, or go from long to short hair. It’s also not uncommon for a slob to become the epitome of neatness. The cheating party no longer enjoys their scruffy, unkempt appearance and has a desire to present themself in the best light possible.
Fashion A person having an affair often begins dressing differently, and starts buying new clothes. One’s wardrobe goes from ”ugh” to stylish. Hipper, trendier or more youthful clothing appears. Either your partner wants a new ”look” for a new love life, or your mate is being influenced by someone else’s style. If a denim and leather wardrobe morphs into silk and satin, it could be an effort to please a new lover.
Fragrance If your loved one is using a new cologne, it might be part of an overall makeover to create a new image. Or, it could be a new perfume that was a gift from a lover. When people have a reason to make themselves more attractive, perfume or cologne is one of the first places they start. When a person is making a change in their love life, they tend to change many things; some seem inconsequential, but when added together, they all mean something. The sum often is greater than the parts. It goes without saying when your partner has not changed their fragrance, but smells differently, it’s always the residual smell of someone else’s cologne or perfume. The nose knows how to sniff out a cheating lover.
Jewelry If your man or woman is wearing unexplained, new jewelry it can be a dead giveaway they’re cheating. Jewelry is one of the first gifts lovers give each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s expensive, because the sentimental value might be a far more serious threat to your relationship that an 18kt gold watch. Likewise, the absence of jewelry on your lover or spouse is also notable, especially if it’s a piece of jewelry which you had given them and they are no longer wearing. Why? Is it lost? Is your partner not wearing it because they don’t want to be reminded of you while they’re cheating? When a spouse is cheating, the first thing to go is the wedding ring. In the case of a married woman, she begins wearing her wedding and/or engagement ring on the right hand, and offers no logical explanation for the shift.
Lifestyle When one’s taste in entertainment, say, goes from comedy clubs to ballet…or your partner suggests a night at the opera when movies and pizza are all you’ve ever done on a Friday night…you might be witnessing the influence of a secret lover. Or, all of a sudden your partner’s taste in music goes from Bruce Springsteen to John Mayer, or they suddenly trade inn the Volvo for a Corvette, without forewarning or discussing it. Finances Cheating costs money, and new charges start appearing on credit card and phone bills. Florists, clothing stores, jewelers, hotels, car rental, and airlines often appear. Additional email accounts, online dating services, pre-paid cellphones, and new electronic gadgets are also expenses which can be related to cheating.
RELATIONSHIP CHANGES
Sex It’s extremely rare for a cheater’s sex life not to be changed by a secret dalliance. The cheater’s appetite for sex with their old partner can change even before the new affair includes sex. The cheating spouse or lover will either want more or less sex with the regular partner. Often there’s a request for experimental sex, signaling desires that never before needed to be met. Sex might also become mechanical, often accompanied by little cuddling, hugging or hand-holding outside sex.
Together-time A person who’s cheating spends less time with you, and when you’re together it’s not the same. There’s usually a distance between you, with the other person off somewhere daydreaming. They just aren’t ”there” with you, like it used to be. Either they fail to hear a question, or answer with a grunt. The cheating lover is usually thinking about somewhere else they’d like to be, often with someone other than you.
Absence Excuses for leaving the house abound. The cheater becomes a master at them. There are sudden or extended trips to the store, often at odd hours. Excessive dog-walking becomes obvious. Any time away from home is a perfect opportunity for a brief meeting or phone call.
Friends & Family Suddenly the cheating lover prefers the two of you spend more time in groups. Your weekends alone together disappear. Romantic dinners give way to pot-luck suppers with nearly everyone you know, or picnics with three generations of family. On the other hand, when a person is cheating, they might lose complete interest in your relatives, children, or long-time friends. They don’t want to be with them any more than with you, preferring to be with someone else. Where children are involved, the cheater often begins to shirk shared responsibilities, like care taking, car pooling and meal times. Worse yet, your partner develops an entirely new set of friends that doesn’t include you. They prefer to party without you, promise to be home before midnight, but stagger in at 3 a.m. smelling freshly showered, or of someone else’s perfume or cologne. You can be pretty sure this was not a late business meeting, or an innocent night with old school chums.
Gifts It’s an old cliche, but true. A cheating partner invariably begins buying you gifts for no apparent reason, when the real purpose is to alleviate guilt. Gold jewelry, unexpected flowers, expensive clothing, sentimental cards, favorite food and candy are staples of the unfaithful man or woman.
BEHAVIOR TRAITS
Fantasizing A cheating lover is living a fantasy. They believe they can be in a committed relationship, have a secret affair, and never get caught. Once the fantasy starts, it spills over into other areas of their life. Grandiose business schemes or serious talk about relocating permanently to Tahiti creep into the conversation. Reality and fantasy morph into one huge blur.
Discontent The cheating person often displays mood-swings exclusively in your presence, going from overly pleasant and ingratiating to irritable or defensive. It’s not unusual for them to complain of boredom with your life together. A cheater will say things like ‘I need more space’ and ‘I feel so trapped,’ or vaguely claim ‘something’s missing in our relationship.’ Out of the blue, a cheater will want to ”hypothetically” discuss breaking up or a trial separation. Lying When you question a cheating partner about specific events, things never really add up, and their answers raise even more questions. Liars often avoid looking you directly in the eye and frequently shift their eyes. They will blush, stutter, stumble over their words, hesitate in their speech, hold their breath, or twitch. A lying person often fumbles with objects and drops things. They’ll over-react and use drama to distract you from your question and avoid telling the truth.
Evasiveness/curtness When a cheating spouse is living a lie, they become evasive and curt in casual conversation. They want to reveal as little information about themselves as possible, to avoid the risk of letting something slip and inadvertently cause suspicion. They constantly change the subject rather than answer a simple question like ”Have you seen so-and-so lately?” Mr. or Ms So-and-so might not be their lover, but might somehow be connected, so they’re not safe territory for a person who’s unfaithful.
WORK HABITS
Schedule When someone is cheating on you, their work schedule allegedly changes. They begin leaving the house earlier in the morning, and coming home later at night. The routine changes to accommodate extracurricular activities, whether it’s spending time with a new love or just needing more time alone. A nine-to-five desk job suddenly requires long explained absences from the workplace. Or, sometimes a cheater actually will be working more, if only to be anywhere other than home, or to make extra money for wooing a new lover.
Access All of a sudden, your partner is not reachable at work; either they’re not at the workplace or they’re in meetings and ”can’t be disturbed.” Your phone calls go unanswered, and so does your email. The mobile phone gets turned off, or is ”out of range.” No – 24 -
longer does your partner call you in the middle of the day, just to see how you’re doing. In addition, you’re specifically asked not to drop by if they’re working late.
Workload There are marked changes in the nature of a cheating person’s job description. More travel is required, longer and farther trips are suddenly necessary. Furthermore, you are no longer invited to tag along on a business trip. There also might be an increase in after-work and dinner meetings that used to occur infrequently, if at all.
PHONE SIGNALS
Hang-ups Everyone gets hang-ups on their home telephone, and everyone always will. Some are innocent wrong numbers placed by people too rude to identify themselves, or apologize. But if there’s a noticeable increase in hang-ups, usually around the same time of day, or in the middle of the night, you need to pay attention to them. Anything beyond the normal or usual number of hang-ups could mean there’s cheating in your relationship.
Answering Machine If your answering machine has an increase of calls without a message, is another sign of a cheating situation. If the message on the machine was recorded by the person who’s cheating, someone might be calling just to hear their voice. If yours is the voice on the machine, the cheater’s lover might be wanting to listen to your voice. Whatever the reason a cheating third party does not leave a message, when you start getting a lot of them, it’s another clue for you to consider.
Mobile Phone A person who’s cheating tends to become nervous when their cell phone rings your presence, and they’ll try and hide the caller-ID screen. In addition, you’ll probably notice an increase in calls that go unanswered when the two of you are together. Text messaging might also increase, because it’s a perfect way for cheaters to communicate even when you’re around. Take particular note of your partner’s face if he reads a text message in front of you. If it brings a warm and fuzzy smile to their face, it’s probably not a business-only message. In this case, it’s more likely you’re witnessing cheating first-hand.
Phone cards A person who’s cheating sometimes purchases a pre-paid, disposable mobile phone or pager which they believe will facilitate private calls and communication. If either of these appear suddenly, and there’s no business reason for them, recognize this is typical among people who are hiding an affair.
ONLINE TENDENCIES
Password Cheaters have their computers password protected, or locked, so you can never use them. If you ask permission to use their computer, they won’t give you the password, but insist on logging in for you. If they do give the password, they’ll soon change it.
Email Accounts Several different email accounts on the same computer are common when someone is cheating. This is how they receive emails from the person with whom they’re cheating, or from dating websites they’re using to meet new people. A separate account might exist solely for chat rooms. Internet Usage People who are cheating often spend unusually large amounts of time on the computer, mostly late at night after you’ve gone to bed, or early in the morning before you awake, or when you’re not around. If you’re in the house and happen to enter the room, they’ll typically switch screens or close browser windows. When you ask a simple question like “Find anything interesting on the ‘net?” you’ll get an abrupt “No,” or they’ll change the subject.
History People who want to hide their internet tracks will continually clear their history and frequently remove cookies. There’s never a trace of any sites they’ve visited, even ones that are not sex or dating related.

COLLECTING CLUES CHEATING SPOUSE